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Conversations with the Inner Mean Girl
September 10, 2016
On any given day my Inner Mean Girl can wax poetic about her favourite topic “the trouble with you is…” and you never really know what will set her off. She has a P.hD in my faults and she knows how to hit where it hurts.
Is the secret to lasting happiness and success to banish her from existence? If it were only that easy, I doubt I would have a job. In my “now” 40 some years I have begun to embrace her albeit bristly form of protection and consider that she means well, her delivery sucks, but in the end she is usually looking out for me. What she doesn’t realize is that after the gawky teen years I didn’t care as much about looking like a fool and words like stupid and loser had lost some of their punch. Don’t get me wrong she still has her ways!
All of my clients have Inner Mean Girls or Dudes; some of us have a whole corporation of inner parts whose only role is to find fault and point it out at the worst possible times. Many of us initially resist any effort to tame, befriend, reform or stop listening to this fierce inner critic as deep down inside we believe that without the military criticism we wouldn’t have it in us to be successful, or even get out of bed in the morning. But what we must consider is that the very belief that without the critic we would be doomed to failure is usually just mean inner voice trick.
When we listen to our intuition, or our deepest wisest self, it doesn’t honestly say things like “oh wow, your job is hard, you should quit and lie on the couch for 3 months and eat chips, gain 100 pounds, stop taking care of yourself and your family”. But it might say “o.k. this job doesn’t seem to be getting better, in fact things are getting worse for you. What do you need so that you can feel supported to find something that will work better?: This inner voice is the good parent, not the abusive parent, not the toxic parent, but also, not the permissive parent. The trouble is that many of my clients don’t have a reference for this good parent. They may have had well meaning parents, but often they did not receive the guidance that they needed and part of our job is to create a powerful internal support system that can see them through the good, the bad and the ugly.
Have you ever come across a product or a book that made you wish so hard that you had thought of it yourself? That is how I felt when I came across the inspired work of Christine Arylo and Amy Ahlers – master coaches & co-founders of Inner Mean Girl Reform School.
I was so touched by their work I signed up for their Inner Mean Girl Reform School 40 day cleanse. The first call was lead by SARK and it was so cool. If you are interested here is the link. I’m so taken with this idea I might even become a Self love ambassador…o.k. I’m sure that isn’t as kinky as it sounds.
If you want to try it for yourself click here. But if you do; I hope your inner mean girl enjoys her transformation into a top notch supporter; or her holiday to Alcatraz!
* This is a blog post I republished from my former site, the course is still available on-line here. http://innermeangirlreformschool.com/courses/